Personal Challenge #10: Sex Drive, Dreams, Memories, and Thoughts (Part 1)

“…Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

Sex Drive

How do you feel about your sex drive? 

Have you felt frustrated by the reality of having a sex drive as a single Christian? Do you resent your sex drive? Do you see your sex drive as something to be healed from? Do you ask God to take it away from you? Do you wonder, ‘Why did God give me a sex drive and he’s not giving me a husband?!’

Why, God, Why?! But… I trust You. I trust that Your ways are perfect. I trust that how You’ve created me is perfect. And I trust that You have a way for me to cope in this. No… I want to thrive, and I believe it’s possible to thrive

Personal Challenge:

1．I don’t want to disdain any part of myself that God has thoughtfully and lovingly placed in me. How might it look to be thankful for and master your sex drive in a victorious, joyful, content way? (We know it’s possible, because Jesus did this – Ask Him for wisdom!)

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16

Now, let’s take a look at dreams, memories, thought-life, and feeding versus quieting our sex drives:

Sexual Dreams

Journal Entry
I dreamt about my ex last night. Woke up thinking that it was real. I give it to you God. Again I trust you for your timing. I don’t long for “what could have been”. That feeling of being loved…. Be my source for that need today and tomorrow.

What do you do when you’ve had an unwanted dream that seemed real and left you with lingering feelings – reawakened physical and emotional longings? 

From my experience, I’d say there are two types of sexual dreams: 

  1. Sex dreams from the enemy (attack)

Journal Entry, Age 25
Sexual dreams from the devil make me righteously angry! I am PURE! My past was washed white as snow at the cross. Dreams like I had last night (where I wake up feeling as if I sinned, with new, fresh mental images to go along with it) are frankly illegal in the spiritual sense! Jesus, wash over my mind and over my sleeping mind. Protect my mind as I sleep. Waking up feeling condemned is NOT from God.

2. Sex dreams as a biological release for my sex drive (natural)

If I haven’t recently seen sexual imagery, I know that the dreams did not come from anything I willingly let in. I refuse to feel bad in the morning. 

Is the timing related to my cycle? For women, sometimes they may experience heightened feelings especially during certain times in the month, especially during certain ages. This is all part of our biology.

If I recently fed my sexdrive and I know that those dreams were likely triggered by that, I repent and ask for God’s cleansing to wash over me and quiet stuff down again. 

Each time, I pray for contentedness (in the physical and emotional areas) to wash over me once again.

Memories and Thought-life

Journal Entry, Age 25
Last night I was being bombarded with images of scenes with exes and I asked God to open my eyes and show me what is going on. I saw a demon inserting images, one after another, into my head. So I prayed out loud, angrily, against it. Maybe that’s the secret, while I’m learning to get mad at, and fight the enemy, asking God to open my eyes to what’s really going on.

If you have had a lot of experiences/seen a lot of things, the mountain of memories can feel infinite. The idea of ever truly being free of them feels impossible.

 もしあなたがすでに多くを経験したのなら、山積みの思い出にキリがない様に感じるかもしれません。それらから完全に自由になるなんて不可能に思えます。

Journal Entry, Age 34
From time to time, I still find myself fighting memories, even after a decade. What do I do about these past memories?

But, by His stripes, we are healed. Jesus’ blood shed for you and me has the power to heal EVERY SINGLE LAST memory. Every memory of things you did, every memory of things that were done to you, washed through, washed away, under His forgiveness, under your forgiveness, by faith.

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” Galatians 5:1

If I ‘watch’ those memories, inevitably, I get tripped up. I do NOT want to be entangled again with a yoke of bondage! So rather than ‘watching’ them, when memories come, I choose to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5b). The memories become less strong as I remember them less.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Cor 10:3-5

Unpleasant/Traumatic Memories

Many people spend their lives being angry over what was done to them. As followers of Jesus, we can actually be washed, be free, LOVE our enemies; where memories have NO HOLD ON US ANYMORE.1

If at any point during this Purity Challenge you feel God is leading you to needing deliverance, please follow his leading! If you have that available to you already, great! If you don’t, please message us. Jesus came to save, deliver, and heal!!!!! This is what is available to each and everyone of us. 2

Pleasant Sexual Memories

This has been one of my biggest challenges. God gave me a strategy for when unwanted memories come. But when wanted memories come… this is another battlefield altogether.

When I am in times of struggling with singleness, of wanting to be loved by a man, if I keep these desires to myself and keep God out of it, I find myself looking to memories to feel loved. These memories are of times when I felt loved, held, and secure – even though those memories are based on false intimacy, I settle for them because the feelings were real in those moments at least. When I find myself drawn to these memories, when I find myself seeking pleasure in those memories, I know that there’s something going on. There’s some need in me that I’m subconsciously seeking to fill; my flesh is reaching out for something. What does God have for me?  If I hand these desires to Him, into His caring hands, my hands are empty to receive what He has for me in this moment of need. 

“God, You love me. You care for me. I am secure in You. Show me the truth about those memories, though it may be really hard to see. Pop the balloon where there is deceit tied to those memories. Where I’ve sought comfort in memories – take this ‘comfort blanket’ away from me. I don’t want it anymore. I don’t need it anymore. Break these emotional ties in Jesus’ Name.” 

He shall supply all my needs. I take this promise literally. “God, I give You this need, and I thank you that you have a way to meet it.” He knows what we need, more than we know. Our Maker knows us better than we know ourselves, so we can trust Him as Provider. 

神は私の必要の全てを満たしてくださる。この約束を文字通り受け止めます。 「神様、あなたにこの必要を委ねます、そしてあなたがそれを満たしてくださることを感謝します。」神は私たちよりも、私たちの必要を知っています。創造主は私たち自身よりも私たちのことをよく知っているので、神を養い手として信頼することができます。

2. When do you find yourself drawn to sexual memories? What is it you are needing that you’re seeking to get from those memories/sexual thoughts? Can those memories really give you what you’re seeking? Or is it a facade, a mirage? Choose truth over facade. What has God provided to meet your need in this moment?

It’s my desire to let nothing keep me from complete freedom. If a memory comes up and starts to feel pretty big, I want to invite God’s light to shine on it and expose it so that it doesn’t stay in the dark. As God leads, in times like this I like to share the memory with a sister in Christ and let the Holy Spirit shine His light in the memory and heal and free me from its bond. There may be forgiveness required, or I may need to renounce a lie I believed and agreed with based on that memory. God’s leading is so kind and He is perfect in His timing. For me, these memories have been remembered one by one, perhaps something someone says or does triggers an unusual response in me, and then I realize that there is an old memory that was brought up through this present-day interaction. Sometimes also, that memory might come with a thought like, “You shouldn’t tell anyone that.” I think that if you feel that, you SHOULD tell a trusted sister, and get the light on it! I intentionally pursue TRUTH wherever I realize I have believed a lie, or where a memory still has some hold on my identity. And then God shows me where He was in that moment. He shows me His face towards me, which always reflects the most mind-blowing, overwhelming, incomprehensible expression of love. And He shows me that Jesus’ blood covers that place. Ask Him to show you where He was in that moment. Ask Him to show you how He was looking at you in that moment. Ask Him to show you the Truth He wants to replace the lie.

Testimony: Dealing with Memories (10:07)

1 Repeated from Personal Challenge #5

2 Repeated from Personal Challenge #2