Personal Challenge #10: Sex Drive, Dreams, Memories, and  Thoughts (Part 2)

Mastering and Quieting Down my Sex Drive

After my sex drive was woken up early, it was so hard to master it. Is it possible to put back to sleep what was wakened in the wrong manner? As a single, I want to live with my sex drive lulled to sleep as much as possible. This means not feeding into it. 

Journal Entry, Age 31
I thought about sex for a moment, but when I remembered where that thought pathway leads… to frustration, to impossibility to resist temptation, to strengthening of ancient memories that don’t belong in this time, I asked Jesus for help in controlling my thoughts.

Living as a single, how do I quiet my sex drive? I’ve found that not feeding it really, really helps!!! Contrary to what some say (that masturbation is a way to manage sex drive in singleness), I found that masturbation actually wakes things up, and makes my sex drive feel even more hungrier. (Tomorrow’s post will share four reasons why I choose to not masturbate.)

“What if I told you that if you stopped, the memories would fade?”
“I created it for two”.

Since I’ve decided I don’t want to masturbate, this is a huge motivator for not dwelling on memories and being careful regarding letting in sexual stimulation to my ears and eyes, because if I dwell too long, I get really revved up.

Examples of sexually stimulating entertainment: 

  • Thoughts/memories/fantasy
  • Sexually suggestive media – shows, movies, books, manga
  • Romantic stories can also be included in this, depending on the reason you find yourself drawn to watch these things, and the fruit that is born from watching it. Is the Holy Spirit bringing conviction in this area? 

Are you feeding your sexual desire? In what ways are you feeding it? Are you finding yourself watching stuff you normally wouldn’t want to be watching? Are you finding yourself longing for things you don’t have right now? If you’re thinking about sex more at a particular time, or feeling yourself drawn to the temptation of watching something sexual, you can ask yourself: 

  • What am I filling my eyes with? Maybe take a break from Netflix and social media. You can watch a preview of a new show on netflix and BAM! Sexually suggestive content. You can be scrolling FB and see a few things during your scroll…BAM! Sexually suggestive content. 
  • Is the timing related to my cycle? 
  • Is my heart lacking connectivity? 

Sexual desire may also become more intensified when the heart is lacking connectivity.  “Loneliness and boredom and a lack of healthy emotional connection are the top three reasons people run to sexually stimulating entertainment.”1

  1. Am I first and foremost connected to Jesus? 

This is why my time with Jesus is not a checkbox on my to-do list, but it’s as vital as my meals for the day. It’s vital for me to ensure that more than just reading my Bible, I have MET with Him, I have CONNECTED with Him. I can really tell when I haven’t connected with my Jesus for a couple days. Don’t leave His feet until your hunger and thirst is filled. If you need to, get up an hour earlier.

2. Secondly, who has God placed in my life as friends? How can I nurture my friendships in a way that they provide mutual healthy connectivity?

Our sexual part is God-given and part of His perfect design and omniscience. He knows exactly how long each person’s singleness will be. Therefore we can look to Him for the how – how to walk out our singleness with a sex drive in a way that is honoring to Him. 

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide an escape, so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Cor 10:13

パーソナルチャレンジ：
2. Ask God for the way He has provided for you to THRIVE (stand strong, even though it’s hard, and go a step further, stand with JOY!) in the midst of singleness & sexuality.

3．Ask God to show you how to invite Him into this area of sexual desire, dreams and thoughts. We don’t need to keep anything from Him. In fact, the victory and joy comes from bringing His light into all areas of our lives. I don’t want to have any area of my life secret from Him with the lights off. Turn on Your light in EVERY room of my heart and mind, God!

Putting Love back to Sleep when it was Awakened in the Wrong Manner
Lisa Bevere2

I heard God whisper a promise for her. He promised that as she pressed into Him, with songs of worship and praise, He would in turn sing over her a lullaby to put to rest what had been awakened deep within her.

I was overwhelmed by the love in His tone. There was no shame or condemnation in His words, only a promise to sing away her fears, guilt, and shame. As she drew near, He promised to draw her to Himself and hide her safely in the shadow of His wing. This Scripture gives us a beautiful image of His tenderness:

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

4. Would you like to ask God to sing over you, to quiet you with His love, to lull back to sleep anything that was awakened before its time?

1 https://truelovedates.com/3-ways-to-avoid-porn-during-quarantine/

2 https://messengerinternational.org/blog/news/putting-love-back-to-sleep-when-it-was-awakened-in-the-wrong-manner/