Personal Challenge #11.1 Honoring God in our Singleness – Thankfulness and Trust

In singleness, how do you navigate loneliness and the desire for companionship, love, and to be found beautiful? What does it look like to honor God with our singleness?

Journal Entry, Age 32
I’m a single, a sexual being, with longings for companionship. If I didn’t struggle sometimes, it’d be concerning. I’d be like a robot! But I have found that it is possible to walk this out, with God’s strength.

What about when singleness is hard? There are times of loneliness, there are times of worry about the future in the area of desire for marriage… There are challenges about feeling good about yourself without male affirmation – knowing your worth and having healthy self-esteem based solely on what God says about you.

How do we embrace the God-given desires in our heart to love and be loved, without feeding our longings too much that we cannot experience contentedness? How do we live out our singleness as a healthy, whole, content, joyful person, just like Jesus did?

Journal Entry, 20s
I’m so happy for this time being single, where I can get to know me, and have time just with me and Jesus. But as it gets time to head to bed, I can’t help but long for when I won’t be going to bed alone.

Journal Entry, 30s
Sometimes it is a blessing to live alone – after a busy day, it’s pretty great coming home to just be able to rest. But sometimes, it feels sad, and I long for when someone will be there in the evenings with me. I’ll have someone to spend Saturdays with. Companionship.

Journal Entry During Corona
Honestly, I was feeling pretty frustrated about my singleness. Frustrated that I’ve trusted God with my love life all these years and he would still have me be single especially during this crazy time in history.

Journal Entry, 30s
I only feel lonely when I’m reminded that I’m alone (usually triggered through seeing something on social media). Then, I find myself suddenly confronted with my aloneness. And with loneliness comes sadness. I don’t know the future, as time goes by and bit by bit my youth is fading, and I wonder increasingly if someone will want to marry me.

Journal Entry, 30s
Sometimes I stress as it feels my beauty, marriageability, baby bearing years are fading faster than I can meet someone. That question, “Will someone choose me?”
But Jesus has been asking me throughout my life, “Will you choose me?” “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 8:26). His voice is not accusatory, but more like, “I’m so trustworthy – don’t you know that by now?”

HONORING GOD LOOKS LIKE TRUSTING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Personal Challenge：
1. What are the difficult thoughts and feelings you have during challenging times within singleness? What does it practically look like to honor God by trusting Him with each of those emotions?

At times, I hear my heart longing for someone to care for me in the way I see husbands caring for their wives. I hear myself longing to be desired and to be found lovely in the way I see husbands desiring their wives. I hear my heart longing for companionship in the way I see husbands and wives experiencing companionship.

Sometimes I sense my heart attempting to project these desires onto guys in my life. But I catch myself, and instruct myself to counter-intuitively project these desires onto Jesus. Those desires to be cared for? He cares for me perfectly and continuously and sufficiently. Those desires to be desired and found lovely? Jesus finds me so lovely to Him. Those desires for companionship? He is always with me. He is my closest friend who never leaves me.

Lord, today, I am aware of my desire to be held, loved, secure. It’s easy to recall a moment where I felt that way in a relationship with a boyfriend, but mostly that feeling was only for a temporary moment. In You I am forever held, forever loved, forever secure. Today I choose to trust You with that. Show me how You meet these needs. 

Keep my heart grounded in You, that I would not look to just anyone for that male companionship. Thank You Lord for the fathers, brothers, and friends You have placed in my life. In this time of singleness, may I know You as my First Companion. That You as First in my life may be established and never change even if my single status changes. 

It comes down to TRUST. Let’s trust God with our Love Life! Let’s trust God with our Heart! Let’s trust God with all of our Emotions! Let’s trust God with our Sexuality!

Trusting God also looks like NEVER buying into the lie that you are alone. Any thought whose fruit is hopelessness is NOT from God. Cast it down and ask God to show you what the TRUTH is. 

Contentment

I try to practice contentedness at the same time as being led by God, staying alert to what He’s saying to me specifically regarding this desire to be married.

What do you feel God is saying to you regarding your singleness?

For me, I feel there is purpose in me being single right now, and I also feel that in God’s perfect timing He will bring me and my future husband together. And in the meantime, my desire is to know Jesus for all that I need.

These are continuous prayers I pray (not a one-time prayer, but as often as needed): 

“I trust You with my life. I trust You with my singleness. I keep my eyes fixed on You.”

“I know that You have not left me alone. Remind me of this again.” 

“I trust You. I trust You. I trust You.” 

“I place all my desires into your hands. They are safe and cared for there. Again I submit to Your perfect timing and ways and wisdom.”

“I pray again for Your blessing of contentedness to pour over my heart and body again.”

The Lord is my Shepherd, I have all that I need.
Psalm 23:1

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!
Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me.
Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.
I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Phil 4:4-9, 11-13

2. In Phil 4, What does Paul exhort us to do? What are God’s promises listed in this scripture portion?

3. Contentment. I think thankfulness and joy (and looking around at what you HAVE, not at what you don’t have) is a good anecdote to discontentment. Why not thank God for these things right now! Paul learned how to be content whatever the circumstances – through Jesus who gave him strength. Do you want to learn to be content whatever the circumstances? Ask God to teach you.
a. What makes me stronger in my contentedness? What makes me weaker?
b. Begin to make a list of things you want to thank God for. Start adding one thing each day and thank Him, even when it feels hard. Call on Him in times of trouble. Cast your cares onto Him, for He cares for you. He will deliver you, and you will honor Him. Calling on Him and trusting Him and thanking Him honors Him.

“Sacrifice thank offerings to God,
fulfill your vows to the Most High,
and call on Me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you will honor Me.”
Psalm 50:14-15