Singleness and Sexuality

Note: This section (Days 27-35) talks quite openly about sexuality, sexual desire, etc. Please ask God to lead you in which portions to spend time on, and which portions to skip.

Many Christians have wrestled with these tough questions. I am so thankful that we can go to God with our hardest questions!

• “What do I do with my sexual desires if I’m not having sex?”
• “How can God expect me to not have sexual expression, for so long, or ever?”
• “The world encourages us to ‘own’ our sexuality; to celebrate our sexuality however we want. The world encourages us to express our sexuality in singleness, to express yourself; to pursue ‘release’, either with a partner or by yourself. I’ve been criticized for being celibate, and told that it’s unhealthy!”
• “Is it possible to lull back to rest what was awakened? Once I have experienced sex, found it to be enjoyable (as it was designed to be) and then gave it up to be obedient to God, how can I now live without it? Is it possible to quiet this part of myself - for my sexual desire to be at rest?”
• “The Bible says “it’s better to marry than to burn with lust” (1 Cor 7:9). I’m ready to get married but there’s no one for me yet! What is God’s answer for me?”
• “What do I do during times of loneliness and sexual desire?”
• “So, you’re indefinitely single, and your body is capable of orgasming, why would you not? And how?! How do you manage your sex drive in singleness?”
• “I see ‘celibacy’ as a dead, dry, stone-like statue! In Romans 12:1 it says to “offer your bodies as living sacrifices”. I want to see how my sexuality is ‘living’ and what it’s purpose is in celibacy!”
• “Each of us was created with a gift of sexuality. God created us, man and woman. How do we steward this gift of sexuality?”
• “I was ‘raised’ by music and movies which featured women being very sexual. I see now how much this impacted/shaped me - how much desire for sex became a major theme throughout my life. Now I understand why my parents tried to not let me watch music videos as a teenager! How can I honor God in the midst of this reality of ‘heightened’ sexual desire while indefinitely single?”
• “Is it possible to heal and be made whole in the area of my sexuality to walk in a way that is honoring to others, myself, and to God?”

Do you have any questions to add? Write them down below in the comments! Throughout this section, let’s seek God’s heart for answers to our difficult questions.

How do we resolve the seeming contradiction that God created us as sexual beings and yet many will be single for long periods or even life? And what can we do with our sexual desires? How do we live abundantly while mastering our sex drive?

One extremely important reason for abstaining from sex during singleness is to learn to manage your sex drive. Abstinence is a time during which you can train yourself to be in control of your sex drive – that your sex drive would not drive you.

An uncontrolled, unmanaged, unbridled sex drive is perhaps one of the most catastrophic forces.

A myth that many Christians believe is that everything in their sexuality will be worked out once they get married. But the truth is that everything you are now is exactly the same as you will be on the wedding night and onward until you begin to make some difficult choices. If you, as a single, have uncontrollable sexual urges and you’re just gritting your teeth and bearing it, thinking that ‘all will be well’ come your wedding night, beware! Uncontrolled, unmanaged, unbridled sex drives in singleness continue into marriage and can manifest in catastrophic situations such as infidelity or non-consensual sex with your spouse.

Your singleness is a time to rein in your sexual drive as we should rein in all parts of our bodies (our tongues, etc. as in James 1:26), in self-control and submitted to the lordship of Jesus (Rom 6:12). Think it’s impossible? We have a Perfect example of One who went before us in victory. Jesus was single throughout His life on earth and never sinned, and went a step further: was utterly complete, lacking nothing.

Purity is mastering your sex drive so that it never comes before honoring God or another human being.

• I used to be led by lust until I learned my own value and the value of men. That was when I learned that it was dishonoring to both me and them to use them for my own lust.
• Lust leads us to put our own sexual desires above the other person – to treat the other person as an object to get our sexual wants met.
• Lustful sexual desire is self-serving, impatient and prioritizes sex over honoring another human.
• Pure sexual desire is not self-seeking. It is motivated out of love - loving another as you love yourself. Not loving that person less than you love yourself. Pure sexual desire is patient. Pure sexual desire honors others. In marriage, pure sexual desire honors your spouse.