Tips for Resisting Temptation

(Note: I do not consider my sex drive itself to be a temptation. For me, the temptation comes with what I will do in the midst of sexual desire. Will I turn away from God in that moment? Will I turn towards lust? Or will I turn towards God, trusting Him through it?)

• Watch what you’re watching. Stay away from viewing sex scenes - whether that’s porn, regular media that is often sexualised, or even your own memories/fantasy. These scenes only fuel desire, and make my sex drive harder to master (like a horse that is being trained, it causes the horse to buck wildly, and makes it hard to get it back under control). I have been celibate for 13 years from the time of writing, but sometimes if I see a sex scene, my body remembers everything like it was yesterday.
  • Even just scrolling Instagram and seeing so many love-love posts, or watching too many romcoms is not constructive to nurturing contentment.

Journal Entry, Age 33
I don’t want to do anything that I feel I need to exclude You from. I want to do everything with You. If I’m doing something I feel I couldn’t do with You, I don’t want to do it! If I feel like You wouldn’t be into the show I’m watching, I don’t want to watch it! I don’t want a moment without that connection with You, Jesus.

• When you’re single and you’re so tired that it’s hard to think straight, go to sleep!
  • It’s easier to open doors you don’t really want to open when you’re tired (such as open doors to masturbation, open doors to contacting an ex, etc.), or watch things that aren’t constructive to letting your desire (sexual desire or desire for love) sleep. Learn when to run, like Joseph did in Genesis 39!
• If you’re dating someone, or you’re engaged, and in obeying God’s design for marriage, you’ve made the decision to not sleep together outside of marriage, set yourself up for success to keep to your commitment.
  • Know your ‘Cinderella hour’ – the time of night when it becomes difficult to make good choices, and say goodbye far before that time!
  • Hanging out alone in an apartment especially for extended periods of time, especially in the evening – tricky! French kissing – tricky! Talking about each other’s body parts sexually – tricky! Know why you want to say no to sex – know the reason for the boundary of wearing clothes and not having sex outside of marriage.
  • The very best context for sex to occur is in a loving, committed, safe relationship, where your heart is secure in God, and where the man you are with treasures your heart, understands your value, and honors you above himself. This cannot be created before a relationship is built. This cannot be created before there is a promise not to leave you the next day or the next month.
  • An engagement is not a marriage commitment – I am just one of many who broke up during engagement. My friend shared this with me from her experience: “Crossing boundaries before marriage feels like the opposite of what we expect it will feel like... We expect it will bring us closer, but it actually builds a wedge between us.”
• Don’t open up old doors when you’re sad. Find the door God has opened for you into His heart in those moments.
• Know that you are not alone. Do not buy into that evil lie.
• “When I don’t understand, I will choose You, when I don’t understand, I will choose to love (and trust) You.” ¹
• In the good times, gird up your heart through a lifestyle of praise, worship and the Word of God. Then when you feel insecure, going to Jesus with your heart and finding your security in Him will be second nature.
  • Practice being in His presence in every situation; work, home or play. Nurture the secret place of your heart regardless of location. In times of mental or emotional struggle, go quickly to the One who holds your heart!
• Stop and listen. Learn to hear that still small voice. He will always give you a choice to choose Him, and He always provides a way out.
• Stand on truth – on the Word of God. The Bible is full of truth to run to and stick in the face of the enemy as a shield when he comes with lies. Memorise simple scriptures, and declare them (out loud!) over yourself in times of need. When Jesus was faced with temptation He simply replied with the Word of God, the Truth.

_{[1] Chorus from “I Breathe You In God” – Bryan & Katie Torwalt}