Our Desires - Go Deeper (optional)

Journal Entry, Age 38, January 22

I trust You with my whole desire... and it’s big!

Jesus died to His desires when he said, “Yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Abraham died to his desire when he didn’t withhold even his own son (Genesis 22:12). Jesus entrusted Himself to the Father (1 Peter 2:23b).

Is there any place in my life that is “alive” to my own desires - not submitted/entrusted to You?

Journal Entry, Age 38, March 20
This is my desire - I give it to You. You promised to take care of me (1 Peter 5:7; Matt 6:26), so I can rest. You have the best plan. This past week, I felt stressed from various things and stepped outside of living each day submitted to You. Instead I moved into my own striving and willpower… rather than rest and submission. Submission means I get to rest; get to trust and just enjoy! Not fight and struggle and squirm!

“Perfect Submission, All is at Rest” ¹

...They do not live the rest of their earthly lives for human desires, but rather for the will of God. 1 Peter 4:2

Journal Entry, Age 38, March 27
Can You be trusted with my desire - with my love life, with my LIFE - my future security?

Litmus Test #1: If there is anything that makes me say, “If I don’t get this / if God doesn’t give me this, I cannot live...” - that thing might have a controlling hold on me.

Why does God want us free from such things?

Litmus Test #2: Can I say the following things about God? Or do I replace the intended Object of the verse with my desire for marriage...

When I was struggling with this, if I was being honest, these were my thoughts when I read these psalms:

“And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You” Psalm 73:25b NKJV. (Except my future husband.)

“Lord, I love the house where you live.” Psalm 26:8 (I love the house where my imaginary husband lives. It’s all I want...)

Marriage as an idol will disappoint! I want to know God’s design - marriage as an institution blessed by God - NOT attempting to replace God.

Why does He want our all? So that we will not be controlled by anything/mastered by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12). Anything not submitted to Him will control me.

Is my desire for marriage a fleshly desire or desire of the Spirit? When I was going through the process of thinking through these things, I’d say it was a fleshly desire. This is why:

• There was ugly fruit in the waiting
• I could not read the psalms in the way they were intended

Fleshly desire must die so it can be resurrected as a desire of the Spirit.

Desire² (ἐπιθυμία), according to the Greek:

• passionate longing, lust, inordinate desire
• Can be positive or negative, depending whether the desire is inspired by faith (God’s inbirthed persuasion)

(My (fleshly) desire was inspired by my own rights.)

When is my own desire lust (i.e. desire of the flesh)? (Not sexual, necessarily!)

Desire³ (ἐπιθυμέω), according to the Greek:

• To long for, to desire very much
• Long for, covet, lust after, set the heart upon
• What a person truly yearns for; to greatly desire to do or have something

Journal Entry, Age 38, April 28
How can I guard my heart against coveting, especially when time is closing in? I cannot lean on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) - i.e. look at the “facts” with my own eyes. It only brings discouragement and panic. Help me, Lord. I again repent of coveting and go back to trust regarding my life. My times are in Your hands (Psalm 31:15). “Wait for your God always” (Hosea 12:6b).

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:9-12

For the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are opposed to each other, so that you do not do what you want. Galatians 5:17

Some thoughts on sexual purity / desires that honor God:

• No more being mastered by sexual lust and sexual desires that are not honoring to God. To not be mastered by fleshly passionate longing for anything including marriage (1 Corinthians 6:12). Submit to Him - for the flesh to be killed, so the desires of the Spirit can live.
• Psalms teaches me that God is the only One who I go after in this uninhibited run toward for longings/pantings (Psalm 42:1).
• To not long after marriage/romantic relationships/sex in the same way the “pagans” (i.e. those who don’t know God) do (Matthew 6:32) - as idolatry. Rather, to fix my eyes on Jesus, and to look away from all other things (Hebrews 12:2).

Journal Entry, Age 38, May 4
I give You all the temptation over the last few weeks. My moments of not being able to see You. And I looked to guys again - trying to get what only You can truly give me. I'm sorry.

You have heard, O LORD, the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their hearts. You will incline Your ear. Psalm 10:17 

I want to honor You with my desire to be married.

_{[1] Lyrics from 'Blessed Assurance' by Fanny Crosby, 1873} 

_{[2] https://biblehub.com/greek/1939.htm
[3] https://biblehub.com/greek/1937.htm}