Definitions

So often these words have been used interchangeably, muddying the waters! Here are some thoughts on the distinctives of each term. Feel free to leave a comment below sharing your thoughts! 

Sexuality 

Definition: What makes a woman female, what makes a man male. When God created man and woman, their maleness and femaleness that they were endowed with was their sexuality. 

As a follower of Jesus, my sexuality, and all other identifiers that make me ‘me’ are secondary to the New Creation I am in Christ, so I make my sexuality to be obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5). I desire to honor God with my sexuality. 

Sexual Sin

Definition: Expressing our sexuality in ways that is not in line with God's word.

Lust

Definition: satan's twisting of God's design of pure sexual desire where sex is taken from another person for your own pleasure, and where sexuality is expressed in a sinful way (non-God honoring way). Lust can happen in marriage, singleness, through physical sex or through watching porn or looking at someone lustfully (Matt 5:28).

As a follower of Jesus, I desire that no lust weeds will be found in the ‘garden’ of my sexuality as a New Creation in Christ. I proactively guard my eyes (physical eyes and the eyes of my heart) against lust – protect my sexuality from heading into the lustful zone of expressing my sexual desire outside of what is God-honoring. I do this by not feeding into it through sexual imagery (external: media such as porn, literature, even soft-core love scenes where our minds are invited to “fill in the blanks”; or internal: memories, thought-life, fantasy, imagination).

Sexual Desire/Sex Drive 

Definition: Desire to be delighted sexually – a God-given component to sexuality. ‘Levels’ seem to vary from person to person – not all men have mid-to-high sex drives; not all women have mid-to-low sex drives.

As a follower of Jesus, I desire self-control in the area of my sex drive. A self-controlled sex drive is crucial in singleness and marriage alike. Before Christ, it was like a wild, unbridled horse, and my life was driven (ultimately into captivity and great pain) by its whims. 

God’s purpose for sexual desire/sex drive in the covenant of marriage: The miracle of creating children, the mystery of oneness and hunger/desire for your lover, pointing to the greatest mystery of spiritual intimacy and the parallels between husband and wife and Christ and His Bride (Ephesians 5:32). 

God’s purpose for sexual desire/sex drive in singleness (abstinence): The sacrifice of laying it on the altar points to the great mystery of the completeness of satisfaction and delight found in Christ. To be able to say, “Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You” (Psalm 73:25). A heart completely free of idols, where He is in First Place to the uttermost. My prayer: “As my desire to be delighted sexually is laid on the altar, let my desire to be delighted be found in You.”