My first inclination has always been to escape. I had closed the door on escaping through outward actions... but I realized that my internal action of escape has been to withdraw from God...

My desire is to learn to escape toward Him.

Journal Entry, Age 36
Last night, feeling annoyed at my singleness, I turned my heart away from You, again. Oh, Jesus, I am sorry. Help me to turn TO You!!!!! May my first inclination be to turn to YOU!

I love you, O Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliver;
My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
And I am saved from my enemies.
Psalm 18:1-3

I LOVE You Lord! YOU are my strength, my fortress! Help me to know this IN the times of trouble, not just the day after! In those times of trouble, take me away WITH You!

A few days later, I had another opportunity. This time, I turned my heart towards Him in the midst of great trouble. The next day, I realized that I had seen Him throughout the night! He was there! I realized that all the other times when I turned my heart away, I couldn't see that He was there with me the whole time because my 'eyes' were turned from Him!

Journal Entry, Age 37
When I heard the doctor’s final decision, that they would remove one ovary through a 12 cm vertical incision, I was devastated. I said to my friend who was accompanying me: “Can I smoke? I can’t get through this without something…” And she replied, “You can, but then you would be doing it without Him! And I don’t think you can do this without Him…” She was so right. Whatever I might turn to, other than Him, would temporarily bring reprieve, but ONLY God could bring lasting comfort and actually bring me through this.

Talk with Jesus

I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.”
... As for me, I call to God,
and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.
He rescues me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me.
... Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.
... But as for me, I trust in you.
Psalm 55:6-8, 16-18, 22, 23b

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Psalm 91:1-2

What are You speaking to me about this? How are You leading me to respond to Your love?

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