Crucified with Christ
Journal Entry, Age 32
I wasn’t supposed to be single this long. In my plans.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Galatians 2:20a
Why do we need to die to flesh/self? What does this even mean?
“Flesh”, according to the Strong’s Concordance, means:
“Making decisions (actions) according to self – i.e. done apart from faith (independent from God's inworking). Thus what is "of the flesh (carnal)" is by definition displeasing to the Lord – even things that seem "respectable!" In short, flesh generally relates to unaided human effort, i.e. decisions (actions) that originate from self or are empowered by self. This is carnal ("of the flesh") and proceeds out of the untouched (unchanged) part of us – i.e. what is not transformed by God.”1
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light and find out what pleases the Lord. Ephesians 5:8, 10
Age 38, December 31
During the Christmas/New Year season, I found myself feeling so angry about my singleness. I surprised myself at the depth of anger I felt. Anger towards God for ‘keeping me alone’. Anger towards my community for ‘not being enough’. I felt led to look at some other journals and saw that every year, the same themes came up in my heart. When I saw that, I said to God: “Enough is enough. I go through this every year. I do not want to bring this unfinished lesson into yet another year. Deal with it in me. Teach me what You want to teach me. Whatever it takes.”
Seeing these intense emotions seeping out of me, I knew it had to do with not being ‘dead to’ / not surrendering - but I needed to hear this from God in a way that I could really understand - those concepts felt too abstract. Also, I had the idea that if I truly, fully, ‘surrender’ this desire to be married, then that means it won’t happen; if I keep my hands on it, even slightly, the chances are higher...
I found these sermon notes written in a journal: “Holy Spirit to control your _____, not you - otherwise your _____ will control you.” The quote was actually pertaining to finances, but God spoke to me through it. Holy Spirit to control your desire to be married, not you - otherwise your desire to be married will control you.
I asked Him to show me FROM HIS WORD - so that I could be changed. He spoke to me through Romans 8 and Galatians 2&5!
Those controlled by the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:8
I saw that this desire was in the realm of ‘my’ control, and in that place, terrible fruit comes up at times - such as rage on December 31st!
So let us not live according to the flesh... For if we live according to the flesh we will die, but if by the Spirit we put to death the deeds/practices of the body, we will live. Romans 8:12-13
The acts of the flesh are obvious... Galatians 5:19
The truth is, I had often skipped over the verses from Galatians 5:19-21, because I thought, “I’m not doing that sexual stuff anymore!” But I thank God that I saw the UGLIEST stuff come out of me on Dec 31st...
“Hatred, discord, jealously, fits of rage, envy!” (from Galatians 5:20-21) - YUCK! I saw that when this desire is in my control - it controls me, and the fruits of the sinful nature are so ugly!
Those who belong to Christ have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Galatians 5:24
I finally saw it! That is what I am crucifying!! It’s so ugly and so I can finally understand what it means to ‘die daily’ - I am dying daily to having that ugly stuff rear itself in my life! I can get on board with that - absolutely!
Whenever we see the ‘obvious’ fruit of the flesh.. we know it is an area where our flesh is not crucified - where we are being led by our flesh - NOT the Spirit.
So I prayed: “Thank You for showing me this place where my sinful nature/flesh was leading me/controlling me, and showing fruit of the flesh. Today I give this area: the plans I had in the flesh regarding my desire to be married, and I put it to death. Because I belong to You, Jesus, and so may EVERY part of my life be submitted to You - be led by You, NOT by my old nature which was crucified with Christ.”
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature/flesh with its passions and desires (extinguished the passions and desires of the flesh/impaled on the cross). Since we live by the Spirit (We are alive! Not dead anymore in our sin!), let us keep in step with the Spirit (walk by/direct our life by/let His Spirit control us rather than our flesh). from Galatians 5:24-26
Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death. Romans 6:13
Help me to live by the Spirit today and put to death the acts of the flesh throughout the day. Help me to pray this everyday.