What would happen to my heart for intimacy when things did not go as I expected; when I felt let down by Him in my following of Him? In the months that followed this sweet discovery of intimacy, I face-planted off of my bike and temporarily disfigured my face (my lip area is still scarred at the time of writing). I went to Canada hoping to finally meet my husband there but didn't. And my return flight to Japan was unexpectedly delayed. A couple months later I went through a health scare, which resulted in the surgical removal of one ovary and a 12 cm vertical scar down my abdomen. I had to work through many emotions of hurt and disappointment. But this was not the same as when I was disappointed before I knew Him... this time, though I felt like He had dropped me, deep down I knew that He had not. I had read too many promises in His Word that declared His character.

My heart’s desire is to show my love for Him and that I know Him by trusting Him when I used to doubt, waver, or turn away. My desire is that “I trust You” be my first response when trials and storms appear. It’s a scary thing to ask to learn from Him, because it must be taught through trials and storms, but... I trust You.

He used these events to teach me something I never understood before… the fear of the Lord. (More on this in Day 55.)

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