The M Word: Why I closed that door

As a Christian single, a sexual being, I would sometimes masturbate, while being careful to guard my thoughts against lust. I wasn’t sure how else to live out the life as a single with a sex drive. But then God taught me that it was possible and beneficial to live without this. I decided to close the door on masturbation.

When the door was open to masturbation in my life, it was an easy thing to turn to for any reason. But when I decided to close the door on masturbation, it became an easy thing to avoid.

I am not certain whether masturbation is sin or not, but what I am sure about is that it has been amazing to have no areas in my life where the devil can whisper shame over me! And honestly, my life has felt so free, full, and unhindered since then. I feel like I have tapped into more depths of what God has available for me now. It’s incredible.

Masturbation with porn (or playing through mental images) is something the Bible speaks clearly about. In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” But what about masturbation without lust (i.e. masturbation while ‘taking every thought captive’)? I will share four reasons why I personally decided to shut the door on masturbation in my life. But ultimately, we need to ask the Holy Spirit what He is saying to each of us in this area.

Reasons I don’t want to masturbate:

1. Masturbation was teaching me that sex is self-serving. “Get yours” is an ‘encouragement’ heard among women, as a response to, “Guys have been doing this forever; it’s time for women”. God’s design of sex was not created as something where people would take from each other. (Unfortunately, this is prevalent now, as the world’s way of sex has strayed far from God’s way.) Rather, it was designed that a couple would give to one another – as an expression of their intimacy and love; rejoice in each other’s pleasure, enjoy sex together with no desire to look outside of each other for sex.
2. Masturbation was teaching me that sex is a great escape from negative feelings. If I turn to masturbation in times of loneliness, tiredness, boredom, sadness, stress, etc., it becomes easy to then form an addiction around it. You train your brain to believe that orgasms are an escape for pain or unpleasant emotions and you create a neural pathway that tells you, ”Whenever you feel pain, there is an immediate and easy remedy!”.
3. I didn’t like the aloneness that I felt afterward. God’s design of sex wasn’t intended that the climax would immediately be followed by being alone. Sex was meant to be part of intimacy that was present before sex and would also be present after sex.
4. Masturbation fed my sex drive. Because I am single and desiring to live following God’s instructions, I want to lull my sex drive to sleep. The more I feed my sex drive (through watching sexualised media, fantasizing, masturbation, etc.), the hungrier I will feel. When my sex drive is lulled to sleep, I feel content instead of frustrated!

When I have an open door to masturbation, it is easy to turn to that when it’s not necessary. It reinforces the issues mentioned above, and doesn’t bring me lasting happiness/fulfillment. Choosing to close the door to masturbation does not mean that you will sit trapped inside a closed room, frustrated and needy. No, when you close the door, and turn around to look to the other side, you will see what was there all along – a wide open door – the heart of God. Wide open meadows, diving into the limitless depths of His heart for you, where you will find all that you need.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:5-11

He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me. Psalm 18:19

You have not given me into the hands of the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Psalm 31:8