Process to Freedom 2

I had to have a surgery (I share about this in Day 55), and the thing I struggled with most of all was that I would be left with a vertical 12 cm scar down the center of my abdomen.

Journal Entry, Age 37
I had my last shower with my pre-surgery body. Teach me Your thoughts on beauty, on ‘sexiness’ in marriage according to Your design. I still have the world’s thoughts...

As I took my last shower before the surgery, I felt that God was speaking more to my heart about what sexuality means according to His design. I've been on a journey of wanting to unlearn all the things I'd learned of the world's definition of sexuality; particularly during my time of walking my own way, but also, subtly through what I see even scrolling through social media or watching a show - and wanting instead to learn His definition. When I pictured my wedding night, I pictured it like any other “first time” I’ve had before with someone, except this time pure, God's way... but I felt Him speak to me that His design is entirely different to my understanding of that first moment and sexuality in marriage. And He knows my desire - I want His design alone for my marriage.

I felt You say to me that Your thoughts and Your ways for sexual intimacy are totally different...

Since you have taken off your old self with its practices (and knowledge) and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Colossians 3:10

During this time, my friend wrote to me: “Your beauty and your WORTH is NOT decreasing. Because you have chosen a life of true spiritual treasure, and you have chosen a life of noble character and your worth is secure - that which is worth MUCH MORE than rubies.”

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies... Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:10, 30

You are building noble character in me. You are building noble character in us, Your Bride - in whoever is willing.