Process to Freedom

As you hear/read these experiences, talk with Jesus through the questions. In what areas do you find yourself facing temptation? Identify the common schemes of the devil you encounter in your own life.

Talk with Jesus

• What does “freedom” mean to me?
• What negativity or lies do I inadvertently speak over myself that weaken my resolve to stand strong?
• Show me what it would look like for me to resist the devil and stand firm, letting nothing move me? What spiritual armor do you have for me to enable me to stand firm? What does this look like, in practical terms?

Prayer:

God, in each area where I feel weak to temptation, keep training me to immediately run into Your Goodness. You are completely trustworthy, even with something as precious to me as my life and future. When I don’t understand what You are doing or where You are, I WILL choose to trust You!

Truth Weapon to memorize:

Where sin increased, grace increased all the more. Romans 5:20

Video: Experience from Age 31

Journal Entry, Age 32

I haven’t had a lot of crushes since trusting God with my love life, because my standard for the man I want to marry became someone who loves Jesus first, who I could see myself loving and who could love me, and who loves Japan and would live in Japan, so not a ton of guys fit the criteria!

But then I met someone who seemed that he could fit those criteria! And there were so many other things... his ethnic background was the same country as that of my high school first love. Our birthdays were in the same month (born the same year!). He had lived in Canada. This is both of our third times living in Japan. My heart was singing with the myriad of ‘signs’!

For five weeks I crushed hard. Wished he would friend request me on Facebook. Went to his church a couple times. Told myself over and over to surrender this crush and desire to God.

Last week, I knew God was asking me to surrender this crush to Him. I knew that in my head, I was surrendering it in principle, but my heart was still clutching onto the possibility. I went to his church’s mid-week Bible study and made sure I was in the group he was leading. The topic of the discussion? Surrender. The last question on the discussion sheet? “Is there anything that makes it difficult for you to truly surrender to God? How was your past week?” When we got to the last question, as the discussion leader, he looked at me and asked me directly, “What has God been asking you to surrender this past week?” It was hilarious... in my head I was like, “YOU!” but instead I shared something super vague. I heard You, God! Unmistakably!

But still... this desire to be married, these 9.5 years of singleness, the signs! The criteria! My heart was still clutching to the possibility that this was the answer to my desire and my hopes and dreams.

Four days later, I was back at his church. That night ended up very differently than what I could have imagined. I ended up having dinner with one of his female friends and ended up sharing about my crush. And in the process of talking about him, I accidentally shared something that I knew about him that was not public knowledge. I knew I had to tell him before he heard about it from someone else. So I messaged him on Messenger, and he was pretty mad at me and was like, “Why were you talking about me in the first place?” and I had to sheepishly make up some vague excuse. Awful. Before we even became friends, our ‘becoming acquainted’ ended in a bit of a fight. Had I listened to God four days ago, this terribly awkward situation where I made him mad at me would never have happened! Needless to say, the crush was completely finished that night.

Oh, that I will hold everything that comes my way in a posture of open hands. Open to receive what God has, open for God to remove what is not what He is giving to me. Keeping my heart unfettered. As soon as my heart clutched onto this, I couldn’t hear God anymore cuz my heart was just saying, “I want this, I want this, I want this”, drowning out the gentle leading of the Shepherd saying, “This one is not for you, my child.”