There is None Like You

Process to Freedom

Through the conversation with the young woman, among other events, God showed me that there was still a hint of belief remaining in me that my husband can satisfy me more than God. The journey to the altar with this desire had led me to a place of 99% surrender - isn’t that enough? 99% was on the altar, and it was time to go after that remaining 1%. 

My new birthday request became: “I still believe 1% that my husband can satisfy me more than You. Reveal Your truth to me over these next weeks leading up to my birthday.”

(I just want to think RIGHTLY about marriage - I want to think of marriage as God does and know His design for it, and I know that He never designed it to be idolatrous in any way!)  

I decided to fast Netflix and social media until then to make space in my time to really be able to hear Him in this. I counted the days left before my birthday - 20. I felt led to look at the little notebook I had bought one and a half years ago (I mentioned this in the video in Day 51 at around 19:00) to practice for 40 days giving Him the first and last thoughts of my days and I had stopped midway for some reason - there were exactly 20 days left in that notebook! He had invited me to finish what we had started together one and half years ago - and through this process, show me what He wanted to show me. 

Journal Entry, Age 37, October 30 

I clearly heard You lead me to a 20 day fast to give time to go after that last 1% remaining idol - that place in my heart where I still somewhat believe that my husband can satisfy me more than You. This belief has gone from 100% to 1%. Have Your way in my heart. 

I come to You with open hands - to take this last 1%. Show me how Your love is more pleasing than the highest pleasure I have experienced. How Your love is the ultimate pleasure. 

“There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like You do. I can search for all eternity long, and find there is none like You.” ¹

“You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship You.” ²

“My Jesus, my Savior, Lord there is none like You.” ³

“And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.” Psalm 73:25b NKJV

“More pleasing than any pleasure, more delightful than any delight.” Song of Songs 6:4 TPT

Oh, how I wanted to be able to sing these words and mean them with all my heart. But the thought of the nearness of a husband, the wonder of sex... felt equal in my heart to the wonder of Jesus. I pushed through - Lord, I seek with my whole heart to know the truth of the incomparable wonder of You - show me, whatever it takes! 

And over the next days, He answered my prayer! For the first time, that thing I thought was comparable if not better than Jesus, lost its glimmer and became GREY as I saw a glimpse into the true splendor and radiance of Jesus! 

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.”  ⁴

I truly experienced this!! This last 1% idolatrous notion about marriage was then so easy to throw down and say, “away with you!” (Isaiah 30:22), because it had turned grey in my mind! 

You have NO RIVAL. You have NO equal. ⁵